Forbidden Tears
by caramary
Summary: Years of abuse by the Dursleys have left Harry scarred and unable to release emotion. When Severus discovers this after an attack in the forest he decides to help Harry learn to cry again. WARNING: This stroy will contain spanking. Not slash.


Dangerous Wanderings

**So I've been reading a lot of Harry/Snape guardian fics lately and thought I'd try writing one.**

**Disclaimer: JKR owns all characters and things from the Harry Potter serise I do not.**

**WARNING: Later chapters of this story will contain the spanking of minors. If this offends you, do not read.**

He was walking through the forest again. He knew it was forbidden, but somehow it held such appeal for him. Late night walks throgh the Forbidden forest had become needed, calming him when he couldn't sleep. Maybe the forest held it's appeal becuase of he danger it contained. His life had become too complicated lately and if some wandering beast decided to end it for him, well he wasn't going to protest. This was the fifth time this week he had been out here, unable to sleep because of nightmares and memories plaguing him.

The undergrowth rustled behind him and he turned his head. As much as he wanted this to end his self-preservation instinct wouldn't let him. His guilt tormented him, telling him he was worthless for wanting the cowards way out. He was a Gryffindor and still longed for an easier life. A twig snapped behind him, bringing him out of his self-loathing. He turned and ran as fast as his feet would take him, silently skimming across the forest floor. Behind him his pursuer also sped up, his footsteps becoming louder now that he knew he had been discovered. _What is it? _Harry's painicked mind began coming up with terrifying scenarios as his heart raced, _a werewolf? A centaur? They're no longer friendly, not after Umbridge. _No matter what was chasing him Harry knew he could keep running for a long time, which was exactly what he planned to do.

X

Severus Snape was not having a good day. The first years had managed to somehow explode their cauldrons again, the third years had created a noxious substance that caused their class to be evacuated and several of them to go to the hospital wing, and Neville Longbottom had once agian melted his cauldron. Now he was chasing around the forbidden forest at midnight after the brat-who-lived, who had once again got himself into trouble, which Severus now had to get him out of. After finally tracking Harry down the boy then took flight at the sound of him approaching, forcing Severus to chase him. Admittedly Severus probably should have called out to Harry, but he had chosen for the silent approach. _Dratted twig _he thought sourly.

Luckily Severus had the advantage of longer legs and soon began to gain on Harry. As he also had extensive knowledge of the forest, he was able to work out where the boy was headed. Taking a new path, Severus easily caught up to Harry. He slowed his pace and walked up behind the boy, who had stopped to find out where his chaser had gone. Severus reached out and grabbed the boy, Harry immediantly began struggling.

"Stop that, Potter." Severus growled, shaking the boy slightly. Harry imediantly stopped struggling and hung limp until the irate potions master lowered him to he ground.

X

Harry slowed to a halt as the footsteps stopped. _Maybe I imagined it? Or maybe they're just sneaking up on me. _He darted hurried glances around the forest, it was too dark to see far. Harry listened for the sound of footsteps, a cloak slithering along the ground, anything. He suddenly found himself lifted off the ground by the back of his robes. Harry automatically began struggling, trying to twist out of his attacker's grip.

"Stop that, Potter." The voice froze his movements. _No, not Snape. Anything but Snape_. Harry let himself become limp and was lowered to the ground. He was furious, obviously Snape had seen him sneak out of the castle and had followed him. How could he have been so stupid, cocky even, thinking he could get away with this as often as he liked. Harry turned to face Snape, it was no use cowering like a scared child. The professor was panting slightly after his run and looked furious. Harry shuddered, wondering what on earth Snape was going to do to him for this.

X

Severus looked down at Harry as he caught his breath. The 6th year had pulled his robes on over his night clothes, which were now torn around the edges from his wild flight. They boy must have seen how angry Severus was because he shuddered. _As well he should. He's up past curfew, breaking several school rules, and in a way that is extremely dangerous. Is he trying to get himself killed?_

"Mr Potter, out late again I see. Are you aware of how many school rules you are breaking right now? Of course you are, but hero Potter needn't pay attention to rules made for lesser mortals does he? Never mind that you could be killed out here. But again the boy-who-lived has such abilities at his control that he could face anything doesn't he? Such highly developed hearing he couldn't even hear his professor approaching. Doubtless it was all part of a master plan." Severus shook his head at the boy's stupidity. He could see that Harry was now angry at him for his sarcasm but he carried straight on.

"Come Mr. Potter. We must return to the school." Keeping a tight grip on the boy's arm Severus swept away towards the school, dragging Harry after him. The boy struggled at first, stopping after Severus snapped at him and walked on quiet feet through the trees.

X

Harry was furious. He knew he was in danger and he was breaking the rules, Snape didn't have to say it in such a sarcastic way. Harry hadn't even had a chance to answer, being cut off every time he opened his mouth. On top of lecturing him, Snape was now dragging him through the forest like a child. He knew they had to get back but Severus didn't have to drag him like that. Harry tried to wrench his arm out of Snape's grip, but the man was incredibly strong. He stopped struggling when Snape snapped at him again. _No sense in making him madder_, he sighed, _well at least he isn't holding my hand_.

X

Severus was still annoyed over the boy's stupidity. _Does he even know what dangers lurk in here? _He stopped dead so suddenly that Harry ran into him. Severus had heard growls and running feet in the trees beside them.

"What? Why'd you stop?" Bloody, idiotic boy.

"Quiet, Potter." He hissed. No doubt the boy was now sulking, but there was nothing he could do about that. Severus' head whipped upwards as the moon broke through the clouds above them. He swore and began running at full speed through the trees, dragging the boy behind him once again. Severus could hear the beast picking up speed beside them and beginning to overtake.

X

Harry's head was spinning. He had just crashed into Snape and was then dragged off at an impossible speed through bushes and spiky branches and when he tried to ask a reasonable question he was told to shut up. Snape had looked up at the sky before he took off. Harry looked up and saw the moon, the full moon. He became aware of the growling and rustling of bushes and suddenly he realized Snape had a very good reason for running. Again Snape stopped dead and again Harry crashed into him. He bounced backwards rubbing his head._ Damn, Snape had a hard back_. Looking round Snape, Harry saw what had caused him to stop. Standing at the edge on the clearing was a huge silver werewolf.

"Werewolf." Harry gasped.

X

Severus snorted, _werewolf indeed_.

"That is no werewolf, boy. Had you even attempted to study during your defense against the dark arts lessons you would know that that is a common wolf. Still large and still dangerous but not a werewolf." Severus couldn't believe the boy's idiocy and now he was struggling, trying to get out from behind him.

"Stay put, Potter." He growled, keeping his wand trained on the wolf. _I just hope it isn't part of a pack_.

X

Harry felt ridiculous. So he'd over reacted, he had cause. He began trying to get out from behind Snape and face the wolf.

"Stay put, Potter." Snape growled. _No! I've fought worse things than wolves_.

"No, I want to fight." Harry said, twisting out from Snape's grip and running to his side. As Harry appeared the wolf fixed it's attention on him and leapt. Harry saw the wolf coming and faced it without flinching.

"Imobulous!" He cried. The wolf dodged his spell and sunk his teeth deep into Harry's arm. Harry fell to the ground without a noise, trying desperately to shake the wolf off. The wolf just kept holding tighter, sending waves of pain through Harry's body.

X

_Stupid, idiotic Gryffindor! _

"Incendio!" Severus aimed his spell at the wolf's leg so he didn't hurt Harry. The wolf yelped and backed away, but by now two more had shown up. Harry struggled to his feet, white faced and trembling. Severus glared at him, but knew it was no good to order him to stay down.

"Incendio orbis." A stream of blue fire shot from Severus' wand to form a ring around them. Harry glanced up at Severus, surprise in his eyes. _He's not the only strong magical presence the world has ever seen. _The two new wolves approached the fire cautiously, the one who had been burned staying back a safe distance. They looked warily at the fire. One who looked to be the leader of the the three backed up and ran at the flames, jumping at the last possible second. He flew straight over the top and immediantly went for Harry. _Wolves always attack the weakest_. Severus spun to hex the wolf.

X

It had taken a lot of Harry's strength to stand, but in a display of what Snape would call 'outlandishly Gryffindor behavior' he had managed it. He hadn't expected the ring of fire, just as he hadn't expected Snape to defend him so quickly. But now there was another wolf heading towards them and this time Harry would not miss. This wolf was larger and faster than the last one, before Harry could even blink it was over the flames and had clamped it's jaws around Harry's left leg. It's teeth went deep and Harry heard the splinter of bones. White hot pain ran up Harry's leg and with it blood dripped onto the forest floor. Harry had taken pain like this before, crucio had been worse. Must'nt cry out, mustn't cry. Crying is bad, crying is weak.

X

Blood did not bother Severus, he'd seen enough of it, caused enough of it.

"Stupify!" He shouted at the wolf. When the red light hit the wolf's body it fell limp, but it's mouth did not come open. _Damn. _Severus hurried to the boy's side and pried the wolf's jaws off of his leg. Harry's leg was awash with blood and had been broken and splintered in several places. He looked to the boy's face and was shocked. Harry was twisted in pain, but there wasn't a single tear in his eyes, there hadn't been a single noise from him. Severus straightened and levitated the stunned wolf out of their circle of fire, he flung it at the remaining wolves. The first one fled but the other stayed watching Severus warily. Severus was angry, a student had been hurt and this wolf was stupid enough to stay in his way.

"Pertrificus totalus!" The wolf froze and fell to the floor.

"Finite incantatum." Severus dissolved his wall of fire before picking up Harry and running as fast as his legs could carry him for the school. Harry struggled at first, but soon calmed.

"Harry, you cannot walk on that leg. Stop struggling before I drop you."

X

Snape's words made sense but Harry stopped struggling mainly from shock. _He called me by my first name. Must be the shock_. Harry himself was in shock. Professor Snape, the evil bat of the dungeons, was actually displaying some decent humanity towards him. When that wolf had grabbed him Harry knew Snape would help him but he had thought Snape would let him struggle first, teach him not to disobey his orders. Instead Snape had attacked the wolf ferociously, surprising Harry with his swift attack. When Snape had looked at him Harry had seen shock and anger on his face, but the anger wasn't directed towards him. Harry was confused, he knew he should feel embarrassed to be carried by Snape even if no one could see him, but he found himself relaxing into Snape's arms. He was so strong, able to carry Harry without much strain. The blackness was clawing and the edges of his consciousness. He tried to fight it, but it overpowered him and he slumped limp in Snape's arms.

X

Severus was running through the forest, avoiding branches as best he could. Harry was tense, uncomfortable in his arms. He had still not made a sound, to make someone like this, so they never shed a tear or cried out, took years. Severus knew all too well what could happen in an unhappy home. He just hoped it wasn't too late for Harry. A shift in how he was lying made Severus look down at him. The boy had fainted. _He's been repressing his pain, it's never good for anyone. _

Severus was tiring by the time the trees began to thin and he was able to see the castle up ahead. _Blasted anti-apparition wards! _He began to stumble over the roots in his path. Tightening his grip on Harry he looked to the ground to keep from falling. Finding an extra burst of energy somewhere he reached the castle. Flying through corridors and up stairs he finally reached the hospital wing.

"Poppy!" He yelled as he crashed through the doors. She came running from her office, wearing her dressing gown at the noise.

"Severus, do you know what time it, goodness what ever happened?" She asked catching sight of Harry in Severus' arms.

"He's been bitten by a wolf. The cut on his arm isn't too deep but his leg has been almost crushed and he's lost lot of blood." Severus turned to leave.

"Wait, Severus I want to know how this happened. Where are you going?"

"He was wandering the forest again Poppy. I'm going to get Albus."

"Severus are you injured?"

"No, the wolves did not touch me."

"But, all the blood." Severus looked down at his blood soaked robes.

"It's Harry's." Those words horrified Poppy and she immediantly turned back to Harry. Severus left her as she was healing Harry's leg.

He had no idea where he found the energy but he was able to once more run through the halls to Dumbledore's study. He skidded to a halt in front of the gargoyle.

"P... Polo's." He panted and ran up the stairs when the gargoyle moved. _What on earth are Polo's? _He thought as he ran. Severus hammered on the door as soon as he reached the top. Albus opened the door with a red dressing gown thrown on over purple pajamas.

"Severus? What's happened?"

"It's Harry, Albus. He's been injured again." Albus stepped outside and started off down the stairs with Severus hurrying behind him.

"Tell me what happened Severus."

"He went wandering the forest again tonight Albus." Professor Dumbledore nodded.

"Well, tonight he went in much further than he had before, to a dangerous level. I decided to go in and get him, before he hurt himself. As we were coming back we were attacked by wolves. Harry tried to fight, even though I was holding him back and managed to get himself bitten on the arm and one of his legs mangled. He passed out as I was carrying him back, I put him in the hospital wing before coming here. Poppy is tending to him now."

"Yes, well let us see how our miscreant is faring." They reached the hospital wing quickly. Madame Pomfrey looked up as they came in.

"How is he Poppy?" Albus asked.

"He'll mend, but he'll have to stay in for a while."

"As I expected." Albus turned when Severus whispered to him. They backed away far enough so Poppy couldn't hear them.

"I'm worried about Harry, Albus."

X

Harry woke groggily, as Madame Pomfrey propped him up. He looked around the familiar room. _I'm in the hospital wing, I must have passed out_. Harry was glad they'd left his glasses on for once. He glanced around the room and saw Snape talking quietly with Dumbledore some distance away. _Telling him how harshly I should be punished no doubt_, Harry thought bitterly. Madame Pomfrey held a cup to Harry's mouth.

"Drink this Harry, it's a blood replenishing potion." Harry drunk the liquid and gagged at the taste. _I must have lost a lot of blood_. Harry looked closely at Snape's robes, they were shining wetly with blood. _My blood_, Harry realized with horror.

"Honestly Harry, you might as well move in here I see you so often." Madame Pomfrey was fussing around him now, measuring out more potions for him to drink. Harry accepted the bitter tasting drinks with a shudder, before falling back onto his pillow and falling into a deep sleep.

X

Severus had explained his suspicions to Albus quickly, and was now watching him as he thought about what he had heard.

"You believe Harry was abused Severus?"

"Yes Albus, I recognize the signs."

"Isn't it possible that Harry simply did not feel enough pain to cry? After all he has been through a lot worse." Severus looked sadly over to the limp form on the bed.

"No Albus, it's not just that. He was so light, even with all the quidditch training he should still have been heavier than that. I believe he has been starved."

"You have to prove your suspicions Severus."

"I'll talk with him."

"Tomorrow Severus." Severus looked over to the bed where Harry had fallen into a deep sleep.

"Tomorrow." He agreed.

X

Severus had always been an early riser, and at half past 6 he next morning he was making his way to the hospital wing. Poppy glared at him when he requested to see Harry.

"He needs his rest Severus." She said pointedly.

"He needs this talk more, Poppy." Poppy looked at him shrewdly. Severus was not usually this passionate over things. She nodded and led him to Harry's bed. He was still in his robes from yesterday.

"I couldn't wake him up to get him changed." Poppy explained in answer to Severus' raised eyebrow. She leaned over Harry and shook his arm gently.

X

Someone was shaking his arm. He muttered and tried to pull away, he didn't;t want to get up yet.

"Harry, Harry wake up. There's someone here to see you." Reluctantly Harry shook the sleep from his head. He sat up and madame Pomfrey handed him his glasses. He had expected professor Dumbledore and was shocked when he saw Snape.

"Good morning Mr. Potter." _I must of imagined it last night when he called me Harry. _Harry thought as he looked up at his potions professor.

"Er.. Good morning professor Snape. Why are you here?"

"That will be all Madame Pomfrey." Snape said pointedly. Madame Pomfrey huffed but went back to her office.

"Harry." Harry's heart leaped as he turned back to face Snape. Snape had sat down in the chair beside the bed and was much closer now. Harry looked into Snape's black eyes and saw none of their usual derision or sarcasm, he saw concern.

"Harry, did the muggles you lived with, did they ever abuse you?" Harry looked away from Snape. That was the one question he had never answered truthfully to anyone, but he found himself wanting to tell Snape everything, to confide in someone at last.

"Yes. Uncle Vernon, he... He'd beat me when I did the slightest thing wrong. hey made me do chores for hours on end, chores a young boy couldn't do, then they'd beat me when I failed. They'd starve me too. Until I went to Hogwarts I slept in the cupboard under the stairs. Sometimes they'd lock me in there for weeks." Harry had been speaking in a monotone as he said this, looking down at the covers of his bed. But now he looked back at Severus and his eyes blazed.

"It wouldn't have been so bad if Dudley hadn't been there for me to compare to. He never had to lift a finger, never got struck, not once! He was petted and praised, even when he did things wrong. The worst was when I was younger, before a gave up hope. I'd try so hard to please them, to get them to love me. They loved Dudley so much, surely they could spare a little love for me? They always yelled at me. I don't think they ever used my name, it was always boy, or freak."

"Is that why you never cry or shout in pain?" Snape's voice was gentle now. _I've gone this far, why not? _Harry thought bitterly.

"Yeah. Crying is bad, crying shows weakness. They beat you more if you cry. Never show them you're in pain. Never." Suddenly Harry seemed to realize what he had been saying and looked at Snape in horror.

"Professor, I.." He trailed off helplessly.

"Harry, I understand. I understand more than you could ever know." With that Snape stood and swept from the room. Harry stared after him helplessly. _Stupid! Why did you say all that and to him! _But somehow Harry felt a little better now, knowing that someone else knew about his pain. Someone older who could do things. _What did he mean by "I understand"?_ Before Harry could wonder more Madame Pomfrey returned.

"I hope he didn't work you up. You might as well go back to sleep Harry, I'm not releasing you before Lunch."

"But, Ron and Hermione."

"Your friends shall be informed Harry." Harry lay back down and slipped into an uneasy sleep.

X

Severus stormed through the hallways, his face like a thundercloud. The few portraits and ghosts awake knew to keep out of his way and not attempt to talk to him.

"Someone's in trouble." One portrait remarked to it's neighbor. Severus ignored it and continued on to professor Dumbledore's study.

"Polo's." Severus ran up the stairs and knocked on the door.

"Good morning Severus." Albus greeted him, allowing him into the room.

"There's nothing good about it Albus." Severus replied, collapsing into the seat offered.

"What's wrong." Severus sighed.

"It's worse than we thought." Severus quickly explained what Harry had told him. Albus clasped his hands on the desk in front of him.

"This is bad Severus."

"I know. Repressing pain is not good for you."

"As you found out."

"Yes, but what do we do Albus?"

"Harry must be taught to cry again Severus."

**So tell me what you think, I tried to keep people in character but I think Snape in particular will become very OC as the story goes on. Please R&R as I'd like to know what you all think of it. Feedback makes a writers day :D**


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